Aaargh!

UGH! Don't get me started! Don't EVEN get me started! So just as I was closing out that last entry, I decided to see if my dresses had been delivered. And oh to my delight, they were there, sitting on the porch in their blue bags staring up a me like, "Momma?". I was so overjoyed that I literally had to take a moment, close my eyes, put my hand on my chest and take a deep breath. I rushed to the bathroom, tore them open and began trying them on. The first was the faux wrap dress with the gold D rings. Too big but not so much that I couldn't get it altered. Next I tried on the one I've been waiting for with baited, dress-wanting, stanky breath. It's the one a few entries down in a pink/purple with the black belt. So cute with the assymetrical top. And oh my hideousness. Trust me I tried. It was way too big first off, the 3/4 sleeves are like giant tube socks with the foot lopped off, the oh so charming neckline looks like a cross between an 1800's pioneer mourning dress and what my backside will look like at 90! (ok let's be honest, 50). So in desperation I ran to my skinny mirror and tried to see if it was saveable. I pulled the excess material to the back, raised and lowered the belt, messed over and over with the neckline and did about 30 runway walks towards the mirror to see if I was imagining it's horror. Sadly ladies...I was not. I'm certainly no waif. I've got plenty of curves but I could still tell this dress could make Teri Hatcher look rotund! I am crest fallen and gloomy, that was until right after my exciting discovery I found myself plunging a toilet like my life depended on it! That was the cherry on the proverbial sunday! So even though I know that in the bigger picture, this is ridiculously lame and trivial, I am still a little lit. Especially since they billed me double for shipping! I swear I could air-punch cotton candy right now! So long story long, my quest for the perfect dress continues. I'm outty 5,000.